With the New Year naturally comes time for reflection; the time to plan for the coming year and reflect on the past. And boy was 2018 a big year for women.

While our voices may be louder than ever before, the emergence of the #metoo movement has also brought many of us, men and women alike, face to face with trauma we had long hidden or forgotten. It has also shifted our attention to aspects of femininity we may have been neglecting. While it may be painful, it’s also a gift to be presented with an opportunity to heal.

As a matchmaker and dating coach, many of my clients, both men and women, have confided that they feel out of touch with their feminine side. This is especially true for those recovering from sexual trauma. With these clients in mind, I’ve come up with a number of tried and true exercises to explore our feminine sides and sexuality. These aren’t just for those who identify as women or those recovering from trauma—everyone has a feminine side and it’s vitally important to explore all aspects of ourselves, especially those parts that may have been suppressed.

As part of liberating their inner being and preparing for love, I ask my clients to confront their femininity through journaling. I find that writing feelings down creates a safe space to explore our inner thoughts, while unlocking our imaginations to consider new paths towards healing and futures we hadn’t yet considered. So take out your paper and pen and get ready to dive into yourself with these powerful exercises.

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Femininity Through Art

While this activity will definitely be generative when you do it alone, it could also be a great way to strengthen bonds between a groups of friends or to try out on a date.  Take your pen and journal to an art museum. Choose the representation of a woman that most catches your eye and spend some time journaling in front of her. Notice all of the details of the piece just as you would lovingly study the body of a lover. What supplies were used to make the piece? What does each medium say about the female body? About femininity? How did this piece initially make you feel? How has your relationship to the piece changed in the time you’ve been studying her? What does this woman want you to know? If you do this exercise with friends, take some time afterwards to discuss your experiences and interpretations. On a date, it can be interesting to analyze the same piece and compare impressions and notes afterwards.

(Hian Oliveira)

Receiving

In many traditions, including Eastern Medicine, the feminine aspect, or the Yin, is seen as the receptive force, while the masculine energy, Yang, is the giving or motivating source. I designed this exercise because so many of my clients have difficulty receiving love, affection, compliments, help, you name it. The point is, they have a block towards receiving, which to me indicates an imbalance in their femininity. Trouble with receiving leads to issues in relationships, sex, and even in business. To address this imbalance, ask yourself some questions. When was the last time you allowed yourself to receive unconditionally? What percentage of your energy do you give away to the people in your life? How much energy do you receive from those people in turn? How does receiving pleasure make your feel? What are the thoughts in your head when you find yourself feeling pleasure? Many of my clients report feelings of guilt, unworthiness, and the need to reciprocate. How can you practice receiving today? I recommend that my clients with blockages towards receiving begin getting weekly massages, practicing Yin yoga, and asking someone for help at least once a day, even if it’s just at the grocery store. I also recommend the book The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer.   

(Brooke Cagle)

Free Flow

Write a word at the top of the page and just write with no intention in mind or goal. Set a timer for 15 minutes and write without pausing. Your first words might be, “I don’t know what to write,” but soon enough, you’ll be pouring out thoughts, feelings, and memories you didn’t know you were harboring. Words I recommend to my clients: woman, women, sisterhood, sacred feminine, mothering, receptivity, feminism, prostitution, union, penetration. Glance over this list and notice which word you would least like to write about. Choose that one as your first word.

Facing of the Feminine

Femininity is multidimensional. Your expression of femininity could change day to day and moment to moment. Different areas of your life might require you to call on disparate aspects of your feminine side. I want you to label the different aspects of your femininity. Learning someone’s name is the first step towards getting to know them, right? Choose at least four aspects and give them a name. You might be a mother to your family, an Amazonian with your friends, and a huntress at the office. Maybe you’re feeling like a prostitute at work, Cinderella to your children, and Persephone to your spouse. Feel free to dig into folklore, archetypes, and literature to find the right name for your feminine aspects. Then have a conversation with each aspect you name. What does she want you to know? What does she do for you? Who in your life does she remind you of? What is her greatest dream? Finally, ask yourself, what is the name of the femininity you express when you’re completely alone.