Dr. Lara Fielding, a former model turned clinical psychologist, shares how an amazing opportunity to go to Paris at age 15, modeling for one of the biggest agencies in the industry resulted in a traumatic experience—but one that inevitably taught her invaluable life lessons that she now shares to empower others.

As the author of Mastering Adulthood: Go Beyond Adulting to Become An Emotional Grownup, Fielding studied the psychophysiology of stress and emotions at UCLA and Harvard, before receiving her doctorate at Pepperdine University where she is currently an adjunct professor. Today, she specializes in Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapies, focusing on helping both adults and young adults navigate stress and maintain a more balanced mood.

Before working as a clinical psychologist, Fielding learned through her own experiences as a teen model how listening to your inner voice, owning difficult emotions, and staying anchored in your values can reduce stress, increase self-empowerment, and literally save your life. We spoke with Fielding about her incredible journey from being a teen model to becoming a successful psychologist and the powerful lessons discovered along the way.

(Clem Onojeghuo)

“I was offered to go to Paris when I was 15 to work with Elite Model Management,” she says. “My mom initially came with me, and my sister was already there; she was 17. When we arrived, my sister was with a smaller boutique agency. One night at an agency party, the owner told my mother, “Oh, you’re so beautiful, you go home and live your life and I’ll take care of your daughter.” My mom was young and the fashion industry can easily manipulate clients who are new and vulnerable into believing they know what’s best for their models. So, she switched me out of Elite and I went with the smaller agency called Prestige Mademoiselle.”

Dr. Lara Fielding

What happened next changed the course of Dr. Fielding’s modeling career and life forever. She recounts, “I remember a specific encounter I experienced after the first night I stayed, together with other models, in my new agent’s apartment. The very next morning I woke up to the feeling of silk pajamas climbing into bed with me. I immediately leaped out of bed and ran into the bathroom.  I remember saying, ‘I have an appointment, I have to get ready,’ and pretended nothing was wrong and the man in the bed kept on as if what he did wasn’t wrong. That night, I found a guitar in the closet and from that day on I would just leave the guitar up against the door to booby trap it so the guitar would fall down and I could run to the bathroom to hide. I listened to my gut feelings of fear and disgust, and followed them.”

The alleged predator was Claude Haddad, the owner of the boutique modeling agency. Haddad’s name has been synonymous with another model agent, and former owner of MC2 Model Management, Jean-Luc Brunel who has been linked to allegations of sexual assault and sex trafficking. In 1988 60 Minutes interviewed over a dozen models who said they had been sexually assaulted by Jean-Luc Brunel and Claude Haddad. Both agents denied the claims after the interview and both men continued to work in the industry.

Pericles Kondylatos via Flickr

This was the first-time Fielding encountered this kind of predatory behavior, but to the determent of others in the industry, especially in the 1990s, it was all too commonplace. Incidents of sexual harassment, assault, and even sex-trafficking in the modeling world were barely addressed for decades and the brave ones who did speak up were immediately silenced or the story was buried. However today, in the wake of the #metoo and #timesup movements, more and more models are speaking out about their hellish experiences in the industry. In a recent Huff Post article written by former supermodel Caree Otis, she recalls her experience, “By the time I was working as a model at 15, I was deeply conditioned to ignore harassment and related behaviors. I’d never been educated or taught that I could say no, that my voice mattered, or that it could be possible to work as a model without regularly enduring sexual harassment.”

Giulio Giacconi via Flickr

Fielding acknowledges she was lucky to have followed her instinct to flee the traumatic event before it went further. She also realized she would have to rely on her intuition, fear, and self-preservation to survive the modeling world. “I was 15, it could have very easily gone another way, but I think my protective factor was that I was like, ‘hell no.’ That’s what I trusted, that gut instinct.” However, numerous models in the industry, including Fielding’s sister, weren’t as lucky. Fielding explains that when assault victims come to her therapy office she frequently hears stories of young women feeling “horribly conflicted by the fact that they didn’t say ‘no’ or that they engaged in these acts because they thought ‘well, he’s a man in power.’ It makes sense that so many young models (men included) felt paralyzed. Because back then, it was a common belief that ‘that’s just what you did to get ahead’ or ‘if I say no, I’ll never work again’ or other stories the culture of the time told them of how the industry just is.”

(Kris Atomic)

Her sister too, had a difficult experience, though, she divulges, much of which was a build up from experiences growing up. “To understand how we both dealt with the modeling world, you need to understand our lives before we entered it,” she explains. “My sister and I grew up in a tumultuous household, we both witnessed our mother being repeatedly physically assaulted, and sadly, in her own pain, she became very critical, so we both had to dodge all of those bullets. Growing up in this kind of environment can lead to emotional dis-regulation or the inability to manage the intensity and duration of negative emotions such as anger or sadness.”

She continues, “Unfortunately, my sister started using drugs at the age of 13 to avoid and control the pain of her emotions, rather than process them- and she never course-corrected. I believe it was because of the different ways we coped with our emotions that her modeling career and experiences were very different from mine. Because my sister numbed out her emotions with drugs and alcohol, she could not benefit from the wisdom of her emotions. In her case, this left her with an inability to say no, leaving her vulnerable to the multiple accounts of assaults by agents.” Fielding’s sister continues to struggle with meth addiction and homelessness.

Evident that their lives turned out vastly different from one another, Fielding believes that the outcome became the impetus for her entering clinical psychology. “This isn’t a story of how my life turned out great and my sister screwed up—it doesn’t feel like that at all to me. I just handled my situation differently–my fear is what kept me away from drugs and alcohol and fear is what kept me from letting my guard down—it kept me alive. I was too scared to use drugs after watching my sister, and I was too fearful and never felt safe enough to let my guard down with people because of my family history. I’m still hyper-vigilant. That’s not always a good thing either and I’m working on that. The most essential thing I learned, from my life experience, as well as my studies, is that the fluid status of our mental health is all about adaptive responding: Choosing what works for the long term, more often than succumbing to what feels better short term.”

Fielding offers that after seeing how she and her sister went on to lead very different lives after modeling, she became fascinated with why this happened and the questions: Why do some of us thrive in the face of stress and others struggle; and how may we promote resilience in ourselves? These questions are what launched Fielding’s study of psychology and research in the area of Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapies.

“It’s like I look at life as a split screen, like the kind you see on weather stations showing the East Coast during an ice storm on one side and the other screen is showing sunny weather on the West Coast. I’m fully aware of my life here in the sun and my sister’s life in the rain and I navigate the world holding the ‘bothness,’ the split screen of the good and the bad in life. It’s the practice of psychological flexibility, where you see the suffering in your life, your faults, and sit with it and own it—realizing it’s part of the human condition, but then also recognizing the good as well and counting your blessings.”

At the same time, there have been a number of positive changes within the modeling industry. However, dangers still lurk. Fielding offers a bit of advice for women and young girls navigating this landscape in addition to other stressful areas of their lives.

“The industry is getting better, especially in the #metoo era. Today there’s more security at fashion shows, no more ‘all-access’ to backstage events, and private dressing rooms. Agents aren’t getting calls requesting models for parties. So, the environment is getting much better. But there will always be bad characters, there will always be agents trying to push you into contracts you don’t understand, and there will be uncomfortable moments. My advice is to listen to your emotions because each emotion is designed with specific messages to keep you safe. Especially in the age of instant fixes, when we feel bad our automatic response is to move towards something that makes us feel good. This is also true when it comes to emotions. The problem emerges when we get so good at avoiding our emotions, we lose access to the important function they serve.”

In a world obsessed with creating utopian environments for kids, where every kid gets a trophy and feelings are always being protected, Dr. Fielding’s approach has always been, “Let’s create kids that are durable in toxic environments.” This is just one philosophy behind her multi-dimensional approach to teaching stress resilience, emotional regulation, and mindfulness skills training.  When asked for a simple technique that anyone can do to successfully deal with stressful situations and negative thought patterns, Fielding suggests, “First, identify the emotion you are feeling. Are you angry? Are you sad or anxious? Label and validate the emotion. Second, keep your thoughts anchored in the present moment: Focus on physical sensations or sounds around you to keep yourself from going down the rabbit hole of overthinking things. Finally, control the only thing in your control, which is your actions—use your body to inform your mind, assume an open body posture to send a message to your brain that you are safe, and you can handle it.”

She adds, “For example, when you’re going on a stressful job interview, or when the “mansplaining” begins, or when you’re pursuing your goals and hit a bump—it’s easy to get pulled into the stories of what other people are thinking. But with these steps, you stay anchored inside your skin and take the discomfort with you. Step into the pain of the moment, the feeling of powerlessness, and do it anyway. By doing this, you begin to do things and take actions in line with your value systems and not because of some old programming or your “worry thoughts” about what other people think.”

Dr. Fielding has a private practice in Beverly Hills, CA and her current book Mastering Adulthood: Go Beyond Adulting to Become An Emotional Grownup  can be found on her website. You can connect with Dr. Fielding via @mindful_mastery on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Youtube.