Discovering Self-Worth Through Sound: Tuning in to Passions Allowed This Artist to Thrive

Growing up as an immigrant I witnessed the many struggles my parents endured including leaving Brazil for a country that wasn’t home, far away from everything that felt familiar, and not being able to speak the language. They shifted their lives entirely to create a sustainable lifestyle that afforded me the comforts and opportunities they never had. In many ways, I have internalized many of the pressures of being an immigrant— wanting to be seen as valuable and follow a path that equates to financial stability to validate the decisions and struggles of my parents. I’ve always had a self-imposed need to make them proud with the goal of ultimately taking care of them as they did for me. The weight of striving for financial success compounded with the feeling of never being able to able to repay all of those debts weighed more heavily on me than I’d realized then. 

These feelings of inadequacy are deeply rooted, cemented within my belief system at an early age. Among other things, I learned to exist in a scarcity mindset. I have memories of an almost subconscious guilt for wanting or asking for a new toy or shoes, more or less understanding that the material desire translated into two people—who wanted me to have the world—stressing over budgeting for it. Not only did this shape many of my decisions on stability and acceptance, but who I am as an adult. I’ve always agreed to what was presented to me at face value as it was what I believed I deserved. I was afraid to ask for more and so I chose to keep what I could get. I was paralyzed by feeling that at any moment it could all be taken away. These learned behaviors have formed an intricate web that has often held me hostage. It’s an umbrella that I sit under, safe, though shaded from my own light.

At the same time, I always knew I wanted to create something that was my own; though I was still held in the tight grip of doubt that kept me in place and immobilized. I have struggled a lot with Imposter Syndrome—with thoughts that I am not qualified enough, smart enough, and so on. I find myself recoiling a bit when people speak of entrepreneurship or praise my work. The sense that I am unworthy of actually succeeding was a dominating force where just enough was good enough. I was constantly looking for outward validation in my 9-5’s, wanting to succeed in those spaces to quash the need of venturing out on my own. My ego refused to allow me to embrace the desires to push and create my own definitions of success.

The moment I decided to make peace with feelings of self doubt, fear and anxiety of failure was surprisingly not a conscious choice. I was working for a large corporation at the time, sitting at my desk, staring off to one corner, imagining what I wanted my life to look like. I remember feeling stagnant creatively and needing an outlet. I realized that the discomfort of not pursuing my own endeavors was more painful than settling for a life that didn’t feel like I was meant for.

 

That day I began my music series SOMSIREN, a word combining SOM (the Portuguese word for sound), and SIREN (from ancient Greek mythology). I created my first playlist and drew my logo on a napkin. I had been creating mixtapes and mix CD’s as gifts since I was a kid, most recently having friends ask me what I was listening to and creating playlists for them. So, I decided to create a platform where I could create weekly curated collections of playlists accompanied by my original photographs. Music has always been part of the intricate fiber of who I am. In many ways the idea for SOMSIREN organically manifested. 

Growing up I was surrounded by sound. My family enjoyed listening to music and dancing at gatherings and almost every memory as a child interlocked with a beautiful soundtrack. In turn, I also I enjoy connecting with people. It’s in this intersection that I have developed my deepest relationships. I love sharing what inspires me and have found a calm in this space. It was within SOMSIREN that I allowed my feelings of inadequacy to coexist with ideas of self-love and confidence.

It hasn’t been easy though. If anything, I’ve found that it’s become even more difficult where I am forcing myself to challenge the stories I have built up in my mind for years and attempting to quiet down the voice of failure. Through it all, I have found more depth within myself on this path than when I was just going through the motions of my life. 

In the year and a half that I’ve been building SOMSIREN, I am finally finding my positive inner voice, feeling grounded in my work, and inspired. I am striving to tie threads between genres, cultural styles, trends, and content via my partnerships with artists like Aleksandra Zee, brands including Brooklinen and Hakea Swim, and musicians like Tropics. Creating a sonic representation of each person or brand I work with gives me added fuel to continue to create a space we can all enjoy. This sense of creative purpose has allowed me to move towards seeing that I am capable and worth taking up and filling space—mentally, emotionally, and physically; even through the moments of doubt. I now look at it as an opportunity for reflection and re-examination of my progress. The yin to my yang, if you will. 

SOMSIREN is my creative outlet. While it began with my love for music, it has evolved to include another passion of mine, photography. With each list, I create an original image that lends another creative element to what I am presenting that week. I started taking photos at a young age after receiving my first point and shoot from my dad, and fell in love with the medium. Thinking about it now, I realize this is another avenue I have used for connection. Most of the subjects of my work are people. It’s really special when you can capture an emotion, a moment, or the essence of someone. To me, picture and sound are vital elements when telling a story, and each week I try to create a visual and sonic representation of that. It has become the lens through which I am able to gauge my growth—the more uncomfortable I feel, the more I know I need to push myself creatively.

Setting aside time to be present in my creativity and space to explore and play—be it through my photography, playlists I am curating, or the discovery or re-discovery process of music—has allowed me to experience a fresh state of mind. Now, through my work, I’m able to step into my flow and examine myself personally and professionally. The ebb and flow of delving into my creative space has allowed me to be excited about what I am working on and motivated to push forward. 

All of this has happened in just the past couple of years—where I’ve been able to solidify my knowing that we are all multi dimensional beings and live in a space of dueling emotions. The constant battle between both sides of our existence is what makes us human and allows us the opportunity to be compassionate with ourselves and the room to grow.  For me, the act of creating comes from a sacred place in all of us. Through whatever medium we choose we are allowing our psyche to direct where we go, where we become the alchemist of our being.